I've witnessed leadership in its rawest forms - from the unforgiving discipline of military hierarchy to the toxic and positive cultures of corporate environments. Both "carrot" and "stick" approaches can succeed, and both can fail spectacularly. But at 20 years old, during a live firing exercise, one man showed me what true leadership looks like. It wasn't about rank, authority, or following procedures. It was about seeing potential in people and having the courage to nurture it.

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The Ultimate Stick Environment

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I joined the New Zealand Army at age 18, as an infantryman. This was my first clear education in leadership, and it was an eye-opening insight into the extreme "stick" approach. Everything had a Standard Operating Procedure. There were SOPs for weapon handling, SOPs for equipment maintenance, SOPs for how to fold your socks (I'm not joking; we had to 'make them smile back'), and SOPs for scenarios I couldn't have imagined. This wasn't just organisation - it was control refined to an art form.

In this environment, leadership typically flowed from rank. You followed orders because of the stripes on someone's arm, not because you necessarily respected their judgment. For someone like me - someone who naturally questioned the "why" behind decisions - this was particularly challenging. I wasn't good at blind obedience, and that made me a difficult soldier in many ways.

The rigid structure served its purpose, of course. In high-stakes situations where split-second decisions can mean the difference between life and death, there's value in clear command structures and rehearsed responses. But for everyday leadership and development, I found it stifling. It didn't encourage growth, innovation, or independent thinking. It simply demanded compliance.

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The Moment That Changed Everything

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Then came "Corporal S".

We were on a live firing exercise somewhere in New Zealand's beautiful, rugged South Island - one of those intense training scenarios where real ammunition meets real pressure. I was making tactical decisions that seemed logical to me at the time, but looking back, they were ideas that needed shaping. In most military contexts, this would have been handled with a sharp correction, possibly some punitive action, and definitely a reminder of who was in charge.

But Corporal S did something remarkable. He didn't pull rank. He didn't shout. He didn't make me feel small or stupid.

Instead, he quietly approached me and asked why I was making those particular decisions. Not in a confrontational way - in a genuinely curious way. He listened to my reasoning, then calmly explained why other approaches would be better. He walked me through the potential consequences of my choices and showed me how his suggestions would achieve better outcomes for everyone involved.

What struck me most was his tone. It was calm, encouraging, and respectful. He treated me like someone capable of learning and growing, not like someone who needed to be put in their place. For the first time in my military experience, I felt like someone was investing in my development rather than simply correcting my behaviour.

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The Transformation

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That single interaction transformed everything for me. My confidence soared. My self-belief, which had been steadily eroded by months of rigid hierarchy and constant correction, began to rebuild. But most importantly, it showed me the type of leader I wanted to become.

I realised that leadership wasn't about having power over people - it was about using whatever influence you had to help them become better versions of themselves. It wasn't about being right all the time; it was about creating environments where people felt safe to learn, grow, and contribute their best thinking.

As a young man, that moment with Corporal S became the foundation for how I would approach leadership for the rest of my career. I decided I wanted to be the kind of leader who led through support, encouragement, and compassion. Someone who saw potential in people and had the patience to nurture it.

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The Cost of Not Listening

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I've experienced similar environments throughout my professional, civilian career. A former employer who had talented, dedicated people who were genuinely passionate about solving customer problems. These were the staff closest to our customers' daily challenges, the ones who heard feedback directly, the ones who understood the pain points that our solutions needed to address.

But their insights weren't valued. Their suggestions weren't heard. Leadership operated from a top-down mentality that assumed the people at the top knew better than the people on the ground. It was the corporate equivalent of leading purely through rank rather than respect.

The results were predictable and devastating. The divide between leadership and staff grew wider. People who had joined with enthusiasm became disengaged. The customer experience suffered because the people who understood customers best weren't empowered to act on that understanding. Staff turnover increased as talented individuals left to find organisations that would value their contributions.

I watched brilliant people become frustrated, demoralised, and eventually detached from work that should have energised them. The organisation lost not just their labour, but their insight, creativity, and genuine care for customer success. It was a masterclass in how not listening to your people creates a cascade of problems that ultimately impact your brand, your customer relationships, and your bottom line.

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The Carrot in Action

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I've been fortunate to witness supportive leadership create extraordinary results firsthand. During the early days at Xero, Rod Drury demonstrated what exceptional "carrot" leadership looked like in practice. In my opinion, his approach was built on three pillars that perfectly embodied the principles Corporal S had shown me years earlier.

First, he provided crystal clear direction. Everyone understood not just what they were doing, but why they were doing it and how it contributed to the bigger picture. This wasn't micromanagement - it was clarity that empowered people to make decisions and take ownership.

Second, he consistently used positive reinforcement. Rather than focusing on what went wrong, the emphasis was on recognising what went right and building on those successes. People felt valued for their contributions and motivated to push boundaries.

Third, and perhaps most powerfully, he rewarded through celebrating collective achievements. Individual brilliance was acknowledged, but the real celebrations were for what we accomplished together as a team. This created an environment where collaboration wasn't just encouraged - it was the pathway to recognition and success.

The results spoke for themselves. The energy was infectious, innovation flourished, and people genuinely cared about the company's mission. It was the complete opposite of the toxic environment I'd later experience elsewhere, and it reinforced everything I'd learned about the power of leading with support rather than fear.

I'm experiencing this same leadership philosophy again at Paloma, and it feels incredible to be surrounded by people who share these values. There's something deeply energising about working in an environment where supportive leadership isn't just an ideal - it's the lived reality of how people interact, make decisions, and drive results together.

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The Carrot That Keeps Giving

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Here's what I learned from both experiences: the most effective leadership approach isn't complicated. It's about genuinely valuing the people you work with and creating environments where they can contribute their best thinking.

When you listen to your staff - particularly those closest to your customers - you're not just being nice. You're making a strategic decision to tap into the collective intelligence of your organisation. These people see problems and solutions that those of us further removed from the front line simply can't see. They understand customer needs in ways that no boardroom discussion can replicate.

When you encourage and nurture people rather than simply directing them, you unlock creativity and innovation that rigid hierarchies suppress. People who feel valued and trusted take ownership. They go above and beyond not because they have to, but because they want to.

The science supports this beautifully. Research from MIT Sloan shows that when employees feel their input matters, 85% report feeling engaged versus only 50% in low-engagement organisations. Meta-analytic studies spanning hundreds of thousands of employees demonstrate that empowering and servant leadership styles show the strongest correlations with employee engagement - whilst punishment-based approaches show limited to negative associations with positive behaviours. Companies implementing servant leadership principles show 3.5 times better market performance over 27-year periods.

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Leading with the Carrot

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I'm unashamed to say I lead with the carrot. I incentivise, encourage, and nurture people because I've seen firsthand how transformative it can be. I'm so committed to this approach that I even find myself being polite to AI assistants - though I suspect they don't judge me for my leadership style quite yet.

But this isn't about being soft or avoiding difficult conversations. It's about creating conditions where people can thrive and contribute their best work.

This means listening more than talking, which for someone with ADHD, is often an active exercise in restraint. It means asking questions rather than just giving answers. It means treating mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures to be punished. It means recognising that the people doing the work often have the best ideas about how to improve it.

Most importantly, it means remembering that leadership is ultimately about people. Not processes, not procedures, not maintaining authority for its own sake - but about helping people become better at what they do and more engaged with why they do it.

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The Ripple Effect

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The beautiful thing about supportive leadership is how it multiplies. When people feel valued and empowered, they extend that same approach to their colleagues and customers. When they feel heard and respected, they listen to and respect others. The culture you create as a leader ripples outward in ways you might never fully see.

I think about Corporal S often, especially when I'm faced with leadership challenges. He probably has no idea how that single interaction shaped my entire approach to leading people. But that's the power of leading with respect rather than rank, encouragement rather than enforcement.

Every leader has the choice between the carrot and the stick. Both can achieve short-term compliance, but only one builds the trust, creativity, and engagement that organisations need to truly thrive. The research backs this up, but more than that, I've lived it - on both sides.

The choice seems clear to me.

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